


Give Me a Ride/Take Me Home

by mean_whale



Series: Rides [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Come Eating, Crying, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Insecurity, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Platonic Kissing, Rape Aftermath, Secret Crush, Semi-Public Sex, Surprise Kissing, Training Camp, some pretty nasty images
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-18 15:06:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5932732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mean_whale/pseuds/mean_whale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto is scared of the silence, so he calls Kuroo to help him cope with the trauma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Give Me a Ride

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place right after A Wild Ride, when Bokuto has finally gotten home.
> 
> I'm sorry I suck with titles, and even more sorry that I decided that this fic needed to have a title that also includes the word "ride".
> 
> Also spoiler: Hinata isn't really in this chapter yet.

Bokuto ran all the way home, and was now sitting on the floor leaning against the front door. He was panting hard, but his own breath was the only sound in the house. It was too quiet, like there could be someone waiting behind the silent wall. He reached for his phone and dialled Kuroo's number.

"Hey, what's up?" Kuroo answered.

"Kuroo, I was thinking, would you like to come over?" Bokuto asked.

"Look, I'd love to, but I have so much homework to do," Kuroo said and sounded genuinely apologetic.

"Okay maybe you didn't quite understand," Bokuto said again, doing his best to keep desperation out of his voice. "Would you come over?"

"Bokuto, I really don't have the time to hang out..."

"Come over, Kuroo," Bokuto said before his friend had even finished the sentence.

"Is everything okay? You sound really odd," Kuroo said.

"Everything's perfect," Bokuto replied clenching his teeth. "Just get your ass over here and quick."

Kuroo sighed on the other end of the line.

"Fine, I'm on my way."

Bokuto ended the call and pushed his phone away from him. He could suddenly clearly feel how semen had soiled the backside of his pants and made them cold and sticky. He should change before Kuroo got there, but he found moving an impossible thought. There was nothing wrong with his body, but he couldn't make himself get up.

So Bokuto waited. Minutes passed by in absolute silence, but he still had a feeling there was something lurking in the quietness. Maybe the man had followed him home. Maybe he was waiting there, in Bokuto's bedroom, just waiting for him to walk in.

When the doorbell rang, Bokuto jumped. His heart was beating like a drum, but he slowly stood up and opened the door.

"So, I'm here," Kuroo said and stepped in.

"Yeah," Bokuto said.

Suddenly the thought of Kuroo being so close to him didn't seem like a good idea after all. Bokuto couldn't smell it himself, but he was certain he reeked of sex. And the thought of Kuroo knowing exactly what had happened didn't feel right.

"You know," Bokuto said, "maybe you should go home after all. You have homework and stuff."

"Nah-ah," Kuroo immediately replied. "No way am I going home when I just got here. What the hell is going on with you?"

"Nothing is going on," Bokuto said, but his throat was dry making it hard to keep his voice steady. "I just thought... Never mind me. Go home. I'm sorry for bothering you."

Bokuto finally kicked his shoes off, the movement rubbing the sticky pants against his ass, making him flinch in disgust. Kuroo followed him after taking his shoes off too. Bokuto knew Kuroo wouldn't leave, but the thought of being alone with him was making his heart beat faster and his face go pale. Kuroo circled to his front, but he didn't want to face the enquiring eyes.

"You do realise I'm not stupid?" Kuroo said. "Not to mention you're my best friend, and I can definitely tell there's something really wrong with you."

"I'm just tired from practice," Bokuto tried, but Kuroo shook his head.

"Don't lie to me, Bokuto. You look kind of sick, but not really sick. And, well, I didn't really want to bring it up in case it's embarrassing to you, but you do know you smell of spunk?"

Bokuto tried to walk past Kuroo, but the boy was blocking his way.

"My first thought was," Kuroo continued when Bokuto didn't say anything, "that maybe you had finally gotten laid and called to tell me. But your odd behaviour kind of erases that option. I don't know, maybe you came in your pants for some reason, but I don't see why you would tell me to come over without changing first."

Bokuto wanted Kuroo to stop talking, so he did the only thing he could think of doing: he kissed his best friend.

Kuroo’s lips were surprisingly soft, although a tad dry, and Bokuto pressed against them with desperation. He pushed forward looking for a reaction. Kuroo did kiss him back, Kuroo did move his lips in a gentle manner, but as soon as it started it ended with Kuroo softly pushing Bokuto away.

They looked at each other for a moment before Bokuto turned his head away.

“Bokuto,” Kuroo said with a voice full of something that sounded an awful lot like pity, “you know I love you, but as a friend. I’m just not into guys. I’m sorry.”

For a while it was quiet, apart from how loudly Bokuto’s heart was beating. He was certain Kuroo could hear it too. He wasn’t sure what to do. He hadn’t planned for any of this. He had just wanted a normal day of leaving school and coming home to despair over all of the homework he had to do.

I’m not going to cry, he told himself when he felt the bitterness of tears prickling his eyes.

No matter what he told himself, he couldn’t stop his eyes from watering. He wasn’t quite sure whether what he was feeling was sadness or anger, but he balled his hands into fists to stop his lips from trembling.

“Shit, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Kuroo said with a hint of panic in his voice. He may have witnessed Bokuto’s incredible mood swings before, but he had never seen this kind of vulnerable side to him. “Bokuto, I’m so sorry I can’t return your feelings. Fuck, I had no idea you felt this way.”

Bokuto breathed hard through his stuffy nose before lifting his head to face Kuroo’s heartbroken face.

“Fuck me, Tetsurou,” he said and hovered closer.

“I-,” Kuroo started but stopped to think for a moment. “Is that you cursing me or asking me?”

“I’m asking you,” Bokuto said lifting his hand to rest lightly on Kuroo’s chest, “no, I’m begging you. Fuck me.”

Kuroo took a step back away from him. It made him feel surprisingly bad. Kuroo was completely unaware of what the situation was really about, but somewhere in Bokuto’s mind his friend knew exactly what had happened, and was now turning his back in disgust. Why would anyone want to look at him when he had been reduced to this pathetic being, not even a person any longer, just a thing to be toyed with and used for pleasure? Even he was disgusted with himself, even he wanted to turn and run away from himself just so he wouldn’t have to face the reality.

Without fully realising it Bokuto’s hold on Kuroo’s chest tightened, his fingers digging into the fabric of the thin shirt and feeling the warmth of Kuroo’s skin under them.

“Please,” Bokuto added quietly, a single tear escaping his eye before he angrily wiped his face, stopping to rub his eyes until the skin around them felt sore.

He looked at Kuroo, who was watching him closely. He was surprised to not see disgust in his eyes.

“Bokuto, I’m so sorry,” Kuroo said. “Even if I could get it up for you, I wouldn’t think it’s a good idea to have sex with someone you can’t truly have.”

“That’s not why I’m asking,” Bokuto spat the words out like they were poison.

Kuroo was startled, but he didn’t move away. Bokuto’s hold of his chest had tightened into a fistful of shirt, his hand pulling on the fabric with the sudden heaviness of his limbs.

“Why then?” Kuroo asked, when Bokuto didn’t continue.

“Because I want you to fuck me,” Bokuto replied. “I’m not into you like that. I just want to be fucked. Right now.”

Kuroo let out some kind of a huff of air, but didn’t really say anything. Bokuto took a step closer, his arm pressing between their bodies. Kuroo didn’t retreat this time, but he was still watching Bokuto’s face and every little movement he made.

“What’s going on?” Kuroo asked once more.

“I was raped on my way home,” Bokuto nearly shouted. He wasn’t certain he could say it if he didn’t force it out of him right now with as much power as he possibly could summon. “I had some guy come in my ass, and I don’t want him to be the last person to fuck me, so fuck me.”

Kuroo didn’t say anything, but there was nothing quiet about his silence. Bokuto looked at the way realisation hit him before it was replaced with confusion again.

“Say what?” Kuroo finally let out blinking his eyes in a way that made him look extremely stupid.

“God damn it, Kuroo!” Bokuto screamed. “You heard me very well the first time.”

“You don’t have to yell at me,” Kuroo said, making a face that was almost hurt. “I’m not sure I’m following here.”

“I didn’t realise you were that daft,” Bokuto said and released his hold of Kuroo. “Whatever. Go back home.”

He was finally able to walk past Kuroo, and made his way towards his room.

“I need a shower anyway,” he mumbled mostly to himself.

“Wait a second,” Kuroo said and turned to follow him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“So you’re going to take a shower with me then?” Bokuto asked with a mocking voice.

He really wanted Kuroo to leave. Calling him had been a mistake, something he could clearly see now. He wanted to be left alone.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Kuroo said and stopped Bokuto before he could reach his room. “Talk to me, okay?”

“I’m not in the mood right now,” Bokuto said with a sigh. “I’ve had come dripping out my ass all this time, and I want to get clean.”

“Really?” Kuroo asked.

His voice was curious, and it infuriated Bokuto.

“Yeah, why don’t you use me as something to satisfy your curiosity. Never mind what I want or need, all I’m good for is satisfying others.”

Bokuto felt the tears in his eyes again.

“That’s not what I meant,” Kuroo said with a calming voice. “I’m just having a hard time understanding everything. I mean, you know how you never think something like that could happen to a person you know?”

Bokuto was even more annoyed by Kuroo trying to calm him down, and it’s what finally sent the tears flowing. He weakly banged a fist against Kuroo’s chest, and Kuroo pulled him into a strong hug.

“I’m sorry you had to go through something like that,” Kuroo said. “Thank you for trusting me with the truth. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

Bokuto looked at Kuroo. He felt so small next to his friend, which he had never felt before.

“Fuck me,” he said with a stuffy voice.

“Don’t you think it’s better for you to wait for someone you really care about?” Kuroo asked. “I mean, especially now that you didn’t get to have it your first time?”

“I care about you,” Bokuto said. “You’re my best friend, and you’re special to me.”

“Best friends don’t usually fuck,” Kuroo pointed out.

“Am I that disgusting?” Bokuto sniffled, pulling away from Kuroo’s arms.

“That’s not what I mean,” Kuroo said. “I promise you, if I was even curious about doing it with another guy, I would choose to do it with you. But I’m not into guys in any way. I’m sorry I can’t return your feelings.”

“What kind of an idiot are you?” Bokuto mumbled before looking Kuroo straight in the eyes. “I’m not in love with you. I just don’t want my last memory of sex to be from a dirty bathroom with someone who forced me there.”

Bokuto wiped his face, and forced himself to really stop crying. He looked at Kuroo with determination.

“I get it,” Kuroo said. “But I can’t. And I don’t think you should randomly have sex with someone just because of that. Don’t you have anyone you like?”

Bokuto felt himself blush, and from the face Kuroo made he knew there was no point trying to deny it.

“Oh you do,” Kuroo smirked. “Who is it? Someone from school? Do I know her?”

Bokuto rubbed his forehead with his hand before looking at Kuroo again.

“It’s not a girl,” he said.

“Oh,” Kuroo replied. “I didn’t know you were into men.”

Bokuto sighed.

“Probably because I always made sure to not tell you, mister “I’m extremely straight”,” he said. “And it’s not like you ever asked.”

“Well you never seemed to be interested in anyone,” Kuroo said. “But who is it? Is it someone I know?”

Bokuto’s skin was burning, and the way Kuroo was looking at him didn’t make him feel at ease.

“I really want to wash myself now,” he said.

Kuroo seemed to snap back to the reality at hand, and stepped away from Bokuto to give him room.

“I’ll wait for you then,” he said.

Bokuto nodded and quickly retreated to the bathroom.

*

When he was as clean as he could be, Bokuto shyly came out of the bathroom and stepped into his bedroom where Kuroo was waiting for him. Bokuto hadn’t taken a change of clothes with him, so he was only wearing a towel around his hips. Kuroo took one look at him before turning his gaze away.

“Sorry,” Bokuto said quietly. “I forgot I was supposed to take some clothes with me.”

He hurried over to his closet for a fresh pair of boxers and pulled them on with shaky hands.

“It has nothing to do with you,” Kuroo said. “It’s just kind of weird seeing you almost naked after you just begged me to have sex with you.”

“I asked you to fuck me,” Bokuto said, and threw his towel at Kuroo, who tried to dodge it, but didn’t quite manage. “I’m not really that into you, so you don’t have to worry about me ever trying to come onto you again.”

“Oh,” Kuroo said throwing the towel away from his face. “So you don’t think I’m hot then?”

“Why do you sound disappointed when you’re not even interested?” Bokuto asked, pulling a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants out from under the bed where he had kicked them the previous day.

“I want to believe I’m desirable,” Kuroo said with a completely serious face.

“You’re an idiot,” Bokuto mumbled but laughed at Kuroo, who was trying his hardest to not laugh.

Bokuto had pulled the clothes on and sat down next to Kuroo. He twitched with discomfort, his ass still sore from being forced open. He chose to ignore any aches he had to talk to Kuroo.

“Hey,” he said looking at Kuroo. “I don’t want you to get all awkward around me.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Kuroo said. “You’re still the same Bokuto I’ve always known.”

“Good,” Bokuto said and smirked. “Except now you also know I kiss much better than you do.”

Kuroo clasped his hand over his chest.

“I’m hurt,” he exclaimed. “I didn’t even properly kiss you, because I was surprised.”

“If that’s what you want to believe,” Bokuto said and lay down on his back.

He watched Kuroo struggling internally for a moment. Kuroo was chewing on the inside of his mouth, and something about that was so cute it hurt Bokuto’s heart. What did he ever do to deserve such a precious friend? He sighed quietly and threw his arm over his eyes. This was the first time he had ever looked at Kuroo and thought him to be adorable. This was hopefully going to be the last time as well. There was no way he could continue living his life if he thought Kuroo was cute.

“Koutarou,” Kuroo suddenly said and shifted on the bed.

Bokuto lifted the arm over his head and looked at Kuroo questioningly, as his friend approached him with a smirk.

“No one can tell me I’m not a good kisser,” Kuroo said before pressing his lips against Bokuto’s.

A moment passed with Bokuto trying to process what was happening. Kuroo’s eyes were closed and his hands were pressing on the bed on both sides of Bokuto’s head. Bokuto relaxed and kissed him back. The kiss was cautious at first, both of them trying to read the other’s lips to see where to take it. It then got firmer when Kuroo relaxed too and started moving his lips more. Bokuto was the first to introduce tongue, licking softy on the seam of Kuroo’s lips. He pushed his tongue against Kuroo’s lips, until Kuroo finally caved and opened his mouth to welcome Bokuto’s licks in. Their tongues twirled around each other, slick noises filling the air around them and sending sparks to Bokuto’s groin.

Without really thinking about anything at this point Bokuto lifted his hand to stroke Kuroo’s cheek and then settle in the messy hair. His other hand found its way on Kuroo’s back and pulled his friend’s body closer to his own. Kuroo let himself be pulled down, and their chests were pressed together. Bokuto invited Kuroo’s tongue into his mouth with short licks of his tongue, letting Kuroo explore the hot cavity. He moaned quietly, running his hand down Kuroo’s back, not stopping until he reached the curve of his ass. He couldn’t help rolling his hips against his friend.

Suddenly Kuroo struggled in his hold and broke the kiss. Bokuto looked at his face, his lips slightly swollen and wet with saliva, and his cheeks tinted red. However, the look in his eyes was almost frightened.

“You’re hard,” Kuroo choked out with his voice breaking.

Bokuto couldn’t help but laugh at the scandalised face Kuroo was making.

“I suppose you’re not a bad kisser after all,” Bokuto snorted and gave a light squeeze to Kuroo’s ass before releasing his hold.

“This totally went too far,” Kuroo said.

“I didn’t think so,” Bokuto replied and sat up. “Going too far would have been you sucking me off.”

“As if I would,” Kuroo said and reached out to get a pillow to hit Bokuto with.

Bokuto ducked out of the way but was hit right in the face on Kuroo’s second try. He took a hold of the pillow to stop Kuroo from hitting him again. They wrestled around until both were heaving with laughter.

They lay in a tangle of limbs trying to calm down. Bokuto nuzzled his nose to Kuroo’s arm.

“Thanks, Tetsurou,” he said.

“What for?” Kuroo asked, his voice filled with suspicion.

“For taking my mind off what happened,” Bokuto said.

“Any time,” Kuroo replied and smacked a kiss on Bokuto’s cheek. “That reminds me: who’s the mysterious person you’re in love with?”

Bokuto blushed. He tried to turn away, but Kuroo threw an arm over his waist to keep him close.

“Come on,” Kuroo whined. “Tell me.”

Bokuto opened his mouth but closed it again. He knew Kuroo had always trusted him with his love life, so it was only fair he would do so too. But after years of carefully avoiding accidentally coming out of the closet it was hard to talk.

“Is it someone I know?” Kuroo asked when Bokuto’s silence dragged on.

Bokuto nodded.

“Ooh,” Kuroo said and moved closer to Bokuto. “Does he play volleyball?”

Bokuto took a moment, but then nodded again. He had an urge to turn his head away, but when he glanced at Kuroo’s face and saw the look Kuroo was giving him, he couldn’t help smiling and relaxing. Kuroo looked incredibly happy, like he had just received the best surprise gift of his life.

“Is it Akaashi?” Kuroo asked.

“What? No!” Bokuto spluttered. “It’s not Akaashi!”

“Really? I thought maybe…” Kuroo said, voice trailing off as he looked over Bokuto’s head. “You sometimes look at him with that face; I thought maybe it meant something.”

“What face?” Bokuto asked, turning to properly look at Kuroo. “I don’t make faces around him.”

“You totally do,” Kuroo said. “But fine, it’s not him. Is it someone from your team?”

“No,” Bokuto said and turned to lie on his back again.

“From my team, then?” Kuroo asked. “It’s not Kenma, is it?”

Bokuto almost felt like claiming it was Kenma just to see how much more shocked Kuroo could look, but he simply sighed and shook his head.

“It’s no one from your team either,” he said.

Kuroo was chewing on his lower lip again.

“It’s no one from Tokyo,” Bokuto continued.

Kuroo suddenly smirked and looked him straight in the eyes.

“Someone from Karasuno?” he asked.

Bokuto felt his face heat up, and he knew he didn’t have to say anything before Kuroo already knew. The smirk on Kuroo’s face was that of victory.

“Who is it?” Kuroo asked. “I can keep guessing, there are only that many of them, but I really want you to tell me. Come on. I always tell you.”

Kuroo pouted and leaned his chin on Bokuto’s chest. Bokuto looked at his face before averting his eyes. He wanted to tell Kuroo, but saying it out loud was much more difficult than he had ever imagined.

“What’s the point?” he finally said. “He doesn’t like me anyway.”

“How would you know?” Kuroo asked. “Have you asked him?”

Bokuto frowned.

“Of course I haven’t,” he said.

“Too busy with volleyball, right?” Kuroo said and smiled with a sort of sadness. “You know volleyball won’t keep you warm at night?”

“Do you want to know or not?” Bokuto asked with a huff.

“Yes, don’t mind me,” Kuroo said and looked at Bokuto with expectant eyes.

Bokuto had to turn his entire head away from Kuroo. His cheeks were burning and he was certain he had blushed all the way to the tips of his ears.

“It’s Hinata,” he mumbled quietly, almost hoping Kuroo wouldn’t hear him.

“Shrimpy?” Kuroo asked with disbelief. “Seriously?”

Bokuto shot Kuroo an angry glance.

“I mean,” Kuroo hurried to add, “there’s no way I would have guessed. You’ve hidden your feelings pretty well.”

Bokuto didn’t say anything, just continued looking at his disorganised desk. He could feel Kuroo staring at him. Kuroo still had his head resting on Bokuto’s chest, and Bokuto was sure Kuroo could hear how hurriedly his heart was beating.

“Aren’t you glad you’ll be seeing him again soon?” Kuroo asked. “Not much longer until the practice camp.”

“You’re right,” Bokuto said quietly.

He might have not been willing to admit it to anyone, even himself, but he had been counting days for the moment Karasuno was coming back.

“You should ask him out,” Kuroo said.

Bokuto looked at him, but didn’t quite know what to say.

“You’ll never know if you don’t ask,” Kuroo said. “Maybe he’s into you.”

Bokuto thought about that. He had been watching Hinata, and he knew how the boy looked at different people. But when it came to him, he wasn’t sure whether he was able to interpret Hinata properly. He had always felt like Hinata didn’t really think much of him, apart from admiring his talents.

“Do it,” Kuroo interrupted his thoughts. “You know you want to.”

Bokuto closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and looked at Kuroo.

“Okay,” he said. “I will. But if he turns me down you’ll have to comfort me.”

“It’s a deal,” Kuroo laughed, the sound of it making Bokuto smile too.


	2. Take Me Home part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Bokuto be able to summon up the courage to confess his feelings to Hinata?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story was supposed to end with this chapter but it got long and I got impatient.

Bokuto knew that Kuroo was watching him. He was aware of it every second they spent together practising in their small group. He was almost starting to get afraid Kuroo wouldn’t be able to keep the secret and blurt out something suspicious, but his friend did keep his mouth shut. Bokuto had wanted to talk to Hinata, but now that the opportunity was present it didn’t feel like such a good idea after all. He was discouraged every time Hinata looked at him with admiration and praised his playing; after all Hinata probably only viewed him as a strong player who could teach him a few tricks.

Truth be told, he didn’t mind teaching Hinata new things. He enjoyed all the attention the energetic boy gave him, and he didn’t want it to ever stop.

After the others had already left and Bokuto and Kuroo were alone, Kuroo cleared his throat making Bokuto stop.

“Are you going to talk to him or not?” Kuroo asked.

Bokuto sighed.

“I want to, but I don’t think he really cares about me,” Bokuto said.

His voice was defeated, and he felt his entire body slump.

“He likes you a lot,” Kuroo said.

“Yeah,” Bokuto sighed again. “He likes the way I play, and he likes that I teach him new techniques. That doesn’t mean he wants to spend time with me off court.”

“I never knew you were a coward,” Kuroo said.

He was standing right behind Bokuto, and his voice sent shivers down Bokuto’s back.

“You’ll never get what you want if you don’t ask,” Kuroo said, his voice brushing over Bokuto’s neck with a soft tremor.

Bokuto leaned backwards until his back was touching Kuroo’s chest.

“You’re right,” he said tiredly. “You’re right, but it doesn’t make it any easier. How do I even know if I want him?”

“You think too much when it’s about your love life,” Kuroo said.

He patted Bokuto’s arm and leaned his chin on his shoulder.

“You don’t usually think,” Kuroo said with a low voice.

“Are you calling me stupid?” Bokuto frowned and turned to look at Kuroo.

Turning his head made Kuroo’s lips brush against his cheek, and just then he heard noises from the door. He turned to look to see Hinata standing there with an impressive blush colouring his face.

“I’m sorry,” Hinata babbled, “I just forgot my towel. I didn’t see anything!”

Hinata turned to leave, but Kuroo spoke out:

“Aren’t you going to get your towel first, Shrimpy?”

Hinata’s feet stopped like they were glued to the ground, leaving his body swinging back and forth in a comical manner. He turned his eyes to peek at his two seniors still standing close together.

“Besides there was nothing to see here,” Kuroo continued and let go of Bokuto. “I was just encouraging my friend here.”

With that Kuroo slapped Bokuto’s ass and walked to the door.

“I must be off,” he said, ruffled Hinata’s hair, and walked into the evening.

Both Bokuto and Hinata stood still in silence, before Bokuto snapped out of it and took a tentative step forward.

“Is this your towel?” he asked and picked up an abandoned towel from the floor.

“Yes,” Hinata squealed and stiffly turned toward Bokuto. “Thank you.

“Hey, Hinata,” Bokuto said, not offering the towel to Hinata yet, “I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

“Oh?” Hinata let out, and looked like he was going to say something more, but then didn’t.

Bokuto was staring intently at the towel he was holding. Hinata had used it to wipe himself. It was like indirectly touching Hinata’s face. He quickly peeked at Hinata before returning to the towel.

“I was just wondering,” he said slowly, “what do you think about me?”

“I think you’re amazing!” Hinata said, his entire face lighting up.

“That’s not what I meant,” Bokuto said, still slowly, trying to secretly give himself permission to cower out of the situation. “I’ve just been thinking. About. You. And. I wanted to know if maybe you’re thinking about me too.”

Bokuto was fiddling with the towel on his hands, making sure to not meet Hinata’s eyes.

“That is to say,” he continued without giving Hinata an opportunity to say anything, “I think I like you.”

Bokuto felt his ears heat up. Hinata was standing so close to him, only a few steps away. His heart was beating loud, and he could imagine every one of the campers to hear it.

“That’s what it was,” Bokuto concluded.

He took the few steps that were needed to get to Hinata, handed the towel to the boy, and quickly walked away before Hinata could say anything. He heard his name being called from behind him, but he pretended to be deaf and entered through the first door he encountered. His entire body was shaking uncontrollably, and he thought it was a miracle he was still standing. He took a couple of deep breaths before heading to the bathrooms. He wanted to be alone, and the best way for that was to lock himself into a stall until he could control his feelings again.

Before he could make it to the bathroom he ran into Akaashi and Kuroo.

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said. “I was wondering where you were.”

“Just needed to take care of something,” Bokuto said, avoiding looking at either of them.

“Did you?” Kuroo asked, leaning forward with interest.

“Uh, yes,” Bokuto said, stepping to the side to get past them. “I need to go now.”

“No, wait,” Kuroo said and took a hold of his arm. “How was it?”

Bokuto glanced at Akaashi who was making his usual face of mild disinterest in the way Kuroo and Bokuto were acting.

“Fine, perfect, but I really need to go now,” Bokuto blabbered and yanked his arm free.

Before Kuroo had a chance to stop him again, he nearly ran all the way to the bathroom. To his relief the room was empty, so he strode to the last stall, locked the door, and sat down on the toilet. He let out the breath he had been holding, and slumped to lean his arms on his knees. His body still felt weak, but the shivering had subsided mostly.

Never had he imagined confessing would be so hard on the body. Bokuto felt like he had just played two sets all alone against a team with double the players. He was also afraid of what the answer would be. He didn’t want to face Hinata after the embarrassing things he had said. He would pretend to be sick to get out of practise and…

He knew he was fooling himself. There was no way he would skip practise just to avoid a person. But he did want to make sure he wouldn’t be alone with Hinata again. The way Hinata had looked at him had been too much. Well, truthfully he hadn’t really seen how Hinata looked at him, because he was so stubbornly not looking at the boy but the towel in his hands.

But, he told himself as he shook his head, would even Hinata be able to look so honestly at him and tell him he’s amazing if Hinata had some other kinds of feelings for him?

The dark atmosphere in the stall took over, and Bokuto stared at the floor. His head felt empty in the sense that his thoughts were going nowhere, but he also couldn’t stop replaying every scene of him and Hinata interacting in his head. They could have become good friends, and he would have happily settled for that.

An ugly memory rose to the forefront of his mind. He wanted to shut it out before it spread its roots, but he couldn’t control it. He remembered the terrifying moment when he had truly realised the stranger was going to rape him and that it was going to always be his first time. That’s when he had regretted never pursuing a relationship of any kind. Hadn’t he just then decided to change his ways and seek happiness with another person?

A shiver ran down his entire body when he remembered what it felt like to be spread open by a pair of rough hands and to be viewed so intimately by eyes that had never looked at his own.

What snapped him out of the pain was his hands shaking with the effort of balling into fists. His nails were digging into the soft flesh of his palms, and he almost wanted to break the skin and carve his own mark on his body. When he had taken off his pants in the shower he had discovered that the stickiness wasn’t all semen, but some of it was his own blood. A stranger had made him bleed like that, but he didn’t have that kind of power over his own body.

Slowly Bokuto let his hands roll open. He heard people pass by the bathroom and sniffed. He hadn’t cried once since that day. He hadn’t thought about what had happened. He wasn’t intending to start now.

The door opened and someone stepped in. Bokuto remained silent and still, waiting to be left alone once again.

“Bokuto-san?” came a voice instead. “Are you here?”

He didn’t say anything. He heard Akaashi look around for a moment.

“Bokuto-san, are you here?” Akaashi asked again.

“No,” Bokuto said with a strangled voice. “Leave me alone.”

“Karasuno’s Hinata has been looking for you,” Akaashi said. “I promised to help him find you.”

“Well you can go tell him I’m busy,” Bokuto said.

His voice sounded hollow in the echo of the room.

“You’re not busy,” Akaashi said matter-of-factly. “Have you been sitting here all this time?”

“Isn’t that what you usually do in a bathroom,” Bokuto mumbled.

“Is something wrong?” Akaashi asked. “It’s not like you to hide from people.”

“I’m tired,” Bokuto said the first thing that came to mind.

And it was true, he really was tired. He may have been completely fine with all the practising, but confessing to Hinata and then reflecting on his life in the bathroom had completely worn him out.

“He seemed to really want to talk to you, though,” Akaashi said. “Go tell him yourself.”

“Fine,” Bokuto said without even trying to hide his frustration.

He reached to unlock the stall door and stood up. When he stepped out of the stall and faced Akaashi, the other boy frowned.

“You don’t look very well,” Akaashi said. “Are you sick?”

“No,” Bokuto said and made his way to the door. “My life is sick.”

He didn’t stop to explain his words to Akaashi. He hurried along the corridor to get away from the setter, before he realised he didn’t even know where he was supposed to go. He had left the bathroom thinking he would go talk to Hinata, but he didn’t know where to find him.

This gave him a good reason to avoid Hinata yet again, so he turned around and headed to Fukurodani’s room. His body was stiff, and he didn’t greet the people he met on his way. He stopped by the door and reached for the handle, but then let his arm drop back to his side.

“Bokuto-san!” he heard from behind him before he could even process what was going through his head.

He hesitantly turned around to come face to face with Hinata, who was approaching him.

“I was looking for you,” Hinata said and stopped. “I want to talk to you.”

Bokuto blushed and his heart was racing again. He looked to the wall next to him, then on the other side of the corridor.

“Please,” Hinata added, and Bokuto turned to look at him.

“Sure,” he said. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

Hinata was beaming when they walked side by side towards a supply closet not very far away. Bokuto wiped his hands on the hem of his shirt in spite of them not being sweaty. Hinata tried the closet door, and it opened. Both of them looked around, but no one was there to see, so they stepped in.

The closet wasn’t very roomy, but they fit in just fine without having to uncomfortably squeeze together. Bokuto took a deep breath before turning to look at Hinata who was smiling nervously.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Hinata repeated, his cheeks gathering colour. “You left so suddenly and I didn’t have a chance to give you a reply.”

Bokuto averted his eyes and felt his flushing face turn even hotter. He was already bracing himself for the inevitable, when Hinata leaned towards him and took his hands into his owns.

“I was so surprised,” Hinata said, “that the amazing captain from Fukurodani would consider me someone of importance.”

Bokuto looked at the way their hands were clasped together before turning his eyes back to Hinata’s face.

“Sure, at first I was only admiring you for your talent,” Hinata continued, “but when I got to spend more time with you I learned what a great person you are.”

Bokuto felt like a little kid under the intense look of Hinata’s eyes. Suddenly Hinata seemed much more mature, much bigger and stronger than him.

“I was thinking that maybe you didn’t see much in me,” Hinata said with open feeling in his eyes. “I was so happy when you told me you are thinking about me like I am thinking about you.”

Bokuto didn’t think he could listen to any more of Hinata’s honest words. He pulled Hinata closer and pressed his mouth against Hinata’s lips. Hinata didn’t seem to be fazed by the development in the least: he reached to take a hold of Bokuto’s cheeks to pull him down towards him. Bokuto let his own hands brush against Hinata’s body before settling them on his back. He felt like he might melt with the way his hands covered such large areas of Hinata at once, and how he could feel the way Hinata’s body was moving.

Hinata’s way of kissing was just as energetic as everything else he did, and Bokuto found himself willing to drown into that eagerness. They way Hinata licked on his lips made him immediately open his mouth, and the little licks on his own tongue made him groan quietly. Hinata stepped closer, making Bokuto’s hands slide lower on his body. When Bokuto’s hands settled on the curve of his perky ass, Hinata jumped up and wrapped his legs around Bokuto’s hips. Bokuto supported him with his arms, but turned around to push Hinata’s back against the door. Bokuto couldn’t help using the opportunity to squeeze Hinata’s butt cheeks with both hands. It made Hinata moan into the kiss and roll his hips against his own.

Bokuto pressed closer to Hinata, their bodies now flush together. His hands continued massaging Hinata’s backside, and his tongue made its way into Hinata’s mouth. Hinata’s legs around him felt strong, a reminder to Bokuto that despite Hinata’s small build he also had a strong body. The idea turned Bokuto on in a new kind of way, and he shove his hips against Hinata in a rough thrust. Hinata let go of his cheeks and wrapped his arms around Bokuto’s shoulders, his hands massaging the expanse of his back. Bokuto didn’t even try to stop his hips from seeking more contact with Hinata’s, and he growled when Hinata rolled his hips with more intent.

“I want you,” Hinata whispered between the licks into his mouth.

Bokuto didn’t reply, he simply let out a guttural sound, and stepped back to put Hinata down. The moment his hold of Hinata was gone, the smaller boy attacked his clothes. Hinata pulled up the shirt enough to expose Bokuto’s nipples and licked his own lips before settling his mouth over one. Bokuto sighed with the feeling and pulled his shirt off all the way. His hands found their way back on Hinata’s ass, and Hinata pressed himself against the touch. Hinata’s fingers were tweaking the nipple that wasn’t in his mouth, and Bokuto thought he might go crazy with need.

With a quiet whine he let his hands roam Hinata’s hips until they stopped at the groin. Bokuto couldn’t silence himself when he discovered how hard Hinata was. Hinata pushed his hips against Bokuto’s hands and let his mouth leave the nipple he had been working on to slide down on Bokuto’s skin.

Before Bokuto could touch more he was pushed down onto the floor. Hinata crawled on his legs and pulled his sweatpants down. Bokuto was breathing hard and his face was burning, but now a hint of hesitation and embarrassment twitched in his stomach. He didn’t get a chance to dwell on it too much, before Hinata’s hand was already stroking his hard cock through his pants.

“You’re so big,” Hinata whispered, as if any louder voices would break the spell they had created. “I want to touch you so bad.”

With that Hinata pulled Bokuto’s cock out of the pants. Bokuto hissed when Hinata let a finger travel from the base to the very tip, stopping to swirl in the drops of pre-come. Bokuto was expecting Hinata to take a hold of his length and pump it with his cute small hands, and the surprise washing over him was strong when Hinata instead bent down and popped the head of it in his mouth.

“Ah!” Bokuto cried out, and quickly covered his mouth with his hands.

Hinata sucked on the tip of Bokuto’s cock, his lips spread over it in a lewd sight, and his tongue flicking at the slit. His hand was holding the base to cover the area where his mouth didn’t reach, and he looked up to Bokuto’s face with such clear eyes Bokuto was ready to come right then and there.

Somehow Bokuto managed to hold himself together. He let one hand drop from his mouth to tangle in Hinata’s soft hair. His fingers were massaging Hinata’s scalp, and with every suck he dug them in just a little harder. Hinata moaned around his cock, making him throw his head back and swallow.

“Hinata,” he moaned, and the look on Hinata’s face at the way his name was called suddenly pushed Bokuto over the edge.

Bokuto came with a loud sigh, his fingers tugging on Hinata’s hair and his hips stuttering as his load was released down Hinata’s throat. Hinata milked him until he stopped coming and let go of the bright hair.

“Sorry,” Bokuto said when Hinata released his cock with a pop of his mouth. “I didn’t have time to warn you.”

“It’s okay,” Hinata said and smiled brightly. “I liked it.”

“Me too,” Bokuto said and laughed a little. “I liked it a lot.”

He reached a hand to Hinata’s face and stroked his soft cheek. There were drops of come on his lips, and Bokuto wiped them away with his thumb. Hinata opened his mouth to suck on the finger.

“Come here,” Bokuto said and pulled his thumb out of Hinata’s mouth.

He took a hold of Hinata’s hips and pulled him closer. Hinata settled on his thighs, and Bokuto didn’t waste any time pushing his pants out of the way. Hinata’s cock was impressive in the way it stood up.

“Oh, you’re dripping wet,” Bokuto said as he dragged his hand over Hinata’s length.

“Because of you,” Hinata said out of breath.

Bokuto pressed his palm against the tip before wrapping his hand around Hinata’s throbbing cock. He started with slow, short pulls, but quickened his pace when Hinata cling to his shoulders and looked at him with half-lidded eyes that were pleading to get more. Bokuto tightened his grip, and Hinata leaned forward to capture his lips in a sloppy kiss. Bokuto pushed his tongue against Hinata’s mouth, licking inside when Hinata opened it to let out a groan.

It didn’t take long for Hinata’s entire body to shake with his release. Bokuto tried to capture all the come in his hand while still mouthing at Hinata’s tongue. He rubbed on the tip of Hinata’s cock until Hinata was squirming away from the overstimulation.

Without a word Hinata reached to take a hold of Bokuto’s wrist and lifted up the hand that was covered in come. He looked Bokuto straight in the eyes, opened his mouth, and started licking the hand clean. Bokuto looked transfixed how Hinata lapped up the semen and cleaned his hand. Shivers ran down his spine with the way Hinata looked at him the entire time.

When his hand was clean and glistening with Hinata’s saliva, Hinata wiped it on his pants and let go. Instead of pulling his hand away Bokuto took a hold of Hinata’s hand and looked at Hinata.

“So,” he said and cleared his throat, “will you be my boyfriend?”

Hinata’s smile was so bright it could have lit the entire building.

“Yes,” Hinata exclaimed and leaned against Bokuto’s body to hug him.

Bokuto smiled and rubbed Hinata’s back with his free hand. It seemed that sometimes taking a risk did pay off.


	3. Take Me Home part 2

It was hard to miss Hinata, in spite of his short stature, in the crowded railway station: he was so excited he was practically jumping up and down, waving excitedly when he spotted Bokuto waiting.

“Did you have a good trip?” Bokuto asked when Hinata finally reached him.

“Yes!” Hinata said, and continued to talk about his trip as they made their way out of the station.

They had been a couple for some months now, but Bokuto was nervous. They hadn’t had a chance to get together even once after the practice camp was over, and the idea of being so close to Hinata out of club was overwhelming. He knew he was being way more quiet than usual, and he was certain Hinata would notice it sooner or later. For now the shorter boy was chatting away looking comfortable, and Bokuto smiled at the way Hinata’s face seemed to shine.

“So where would you like to go first?” Bokuto asked when Hinata had finished.

Hinata looked at him openly with a big smile on his face.

“Your place,” Hinata chirped.

Bokuto was taken aback by the request. There was no mistake as to why he had decided to invite Hinata over right after he had learned his parent’s would be gone for the night, but he had expected them to do something else first. He had thought about them going on a fun date and look around, before they would sneakily hold hands as the evening got darker and make their way to his place.

“Don’t you want to do something else?” Bokuto asked.

“It’s been such a long time,” Hinata said with a cute little pout.

Bokuto had to close his eyes for a moment to calm down.

“Oh, actually, Bokuto-san,” Hinata suddenly said, “I would like to know which way you take to school and back home. I want to know more about you, and that’s something I can never witness.”

Bokuto’s heart skipped a beat and he reached out to take a hold of both of Hinata’s hands.

“I will show you everything you want to see!” he said.

They headed to Bokuto’s school. He was relaxing more and more as time went by, he pointed out different places to Hinata and told him silly stories of things that had sometimes happened in those places. Hinata listened to every word eagerly, commenting with enthusiasm when Bokuto told him something especially cool. Bokuto talked about his memories of being in high school as they got there, feeling a sudden nostalgia to the time when he was just a first year like Hinata. He reached out to ruffle Hinata’s hair. Hinata tried to dodge, causing it to become a wild chase until Bokuto caught him into a tight embrace and quickly pressed a kiss on the side of his neck.

Laughing and slightly out of breath Bokuto put Hinata down. Then he became aware of where they had gotten. Immediately the smile died on his face, and he felt a knot twist in his gut. He swallowed, wiped his hands on the hem of his shirt, and turned back to Hinata.

“Let’s go some other way,” he said.

“Why?” Hinata asked. “That park looks like fun! Can’t we go there?”

Bokuto wanted to lie to him, to say it was not the right way, but his mind was stuck on one single thought: “flee.”

“Bokuto-san?” Hinata asked, when Bokuto didn’t say anything.

Bokuto knew he had to say something. He had to explain. He didn’t want to. What he wanted was to spend time with his boyfriend and be happy, and talking about what had happened sometime in the (not very distant, his mind reminded him) past wasn’t exactly his definition of happiness. He knew the look on Hinata’s face was worry, but he found himself almost paralysed. He didn’t know whether to turn around or to face his fears and walk ahead.

“What’s the matter?” Hinata asked, stepping closer to Bokuto, who had frozen to the spot.

“I don’t like this park,” Bokuto said stiffly.

“Why?” Hinata asked.

Hinata’s eyes were full of innocent curiosity, and Bokuto wanted to tell him everything, but he also didn’t want to shatter the boy’s image of him and the world they both live in.

The silence was stretching on, but Hinata didn’t repeat his question. He also didn’t stop looking at Bokuto with his wide eyes.

“Something bad happened there,” Bokuto finally said.

“To you?” Hinata asked, but from the way he was looking at Bokuto it was clear he didn’t need an answer.

Bokuto nodded anyway, and the next thing he knew Hinata was holding his hand.

“You’re shaking,” Hinata said quietly. “We don’t have to go there.”

Bokuto let Hinata pull him around and walk him back to where they had come from. The knot inside him was easing up a little bit, but he knew it wouldn’t disappear until he had told Hinata the whole story.

When they stopped Hinata turned to look at him.

“Are you better now?” Hinata asked.

“Yes,” Bokuto said, his voice still clearly shaken. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Hinata said, carding their fingers together. “I wish I could take you all the way home, but I don’t know where it is.”

Bokuto laughed quietly, squeezing the hand holding his hand.

“I’ll show you the way,” he said.

The walk continued in mostly silence, at times broken by Hinata noticing something interesting. Bokuto tried to let go of his hand a couple of times when more people were around, but each time Hinata only held him tighter.

*

The moment the door closed behind them Hinata dragged Bokuto down to kiss him. The way Hinata kissed was just as enthusiastic as Bokuto had remembered, and he gladly kissed back. Hinata tasted like a sunny summer day, the bright hair tickling Bokuto's face making the image even stronger. Bokuto embraced Hinata with everything he felt, pinning Hinata against the wall.

"I've been thinking about you," Hinata panted into Bokuto's mouth.

Bokuto replied with his tongue licking into Hinata's small mouth. Hinata allowed him to explore, letting out quiet whines with every lick.

"I have been imagining you," Hinata whimpered as he pulled away from the kiss to talk. "I've been trying to remember every little detail of you and how you touched me."

Bokuto could only stare at Hinata with his mouth slightly open in awe. He had been replaying the scene of their sexual encounter countless times, trying to remind himself of what it felt like to touch Hinata's flushed body, but there was no way he could have said it like that.

"After I started thinking about you when I jerk off," Hinata continued, "I've been coming so easily."

Bokuto groaned at the way Hinata was looking at him with wide eyes and blushed cheeks, the tip of his pink tongue peeking through his lips as he licked them.

"I want you so bad," Hinata whispered.

Bokuto struggled to kick his shoes away and lifted Hinata. Hinata laughed as he was carried to Bokuto's bedroom. He stroked Bokuto's cheek and nape with nimble fingers, and Bokuto pressed a kiss on the exposed wrist. He carefully lowered Hinata on his bed and climbed in. He sat across Hinata's hips and Hinata smiled widely.

Hinata's hands were soft as they caressed Bokuto's cheeks. Bokuto pushed his face against the touch and nuzzled his nose against Hinata's. He could feel Hinata's half hard cock rub against his crotch, and he rolled his hips to feel more.

"Bokuto-san," Hinata whispered, and suddenly Bokuto's world was upside down.

It took a moment for Bokuto to understand that Hinata had rolled them over, and he was now lying under his small boyfriend. Hinata smirked in a way that still looked innocent and almost pure, but he ground his hips against the bulge that was forming in Bokuto's pants. Bokuto's hands found their way on Hinata's hips, encouraging him to move more, but Hinata didn't comply. Instead he took a hold of Bokuto's wrists and pinned them on the bed.

"No touching," Hinata said with a ragged voice, and Bokuto could only swallow heavily and nod.

Hinata looked at him with a smile, and then reached to touch his face with his delicate hands again. The fingers explored his forehead and cheeks, a thumb running across his lower lip on the way down. Hinata's hands held his neck and moved to caress his shoulders before heading to his chest.

"I have been thinking about touching you like this," Hinata said and massaged Bokuto's breast.

"I want to touch you too," Bokuto complained, but didn't move his hands from where Hinata had placed them.

"Later," Hinata sighed and dragged his hands down to Bokuto's stomach. "Just please, let me have this."

Bokuto didn't say anything. He knew Hinata could feel his cock reacting to the touches, and that was enough. He focused on feeling Hinata's body press against him and seeing the mix of satisfaction and curiosity on Hinata's face. A part of him wanted to close his eyes to completely drown into the burning touch travelling through his body, but watching Hinata touch him was too good. Hinata shifted away from Bokuto’s hips to move his hands to Bokuto’s thick thighs. He pressed his fingers on the muscles, exploring the strength that could be felt even through the fabric of Bokuto’s slacks.

“You’re surprisingly soft,” Hinata murmured as he had reached Bokuto’s toes. “Especially here.”

Playfully Hinata poked at Bokuto’s stomach and giggled at the way Bokuto jolted. He bent down to press a gentle kiss on Bokuto’s abdomen, before taking a hold of Bokuto’s hand and feeling his way up the muscular arm. Hinata stopped to strip out of his shirt. He smiled at the way Bokuto’s eyes roamed his naked skin. The shirt was thrown on the floor, and Hinata pushed the hem of Bokuto’s shirt up, until Bokuto lifted his upper body up to take it completely off. Hinata took the shirt from Bokuto’s hands and threw it on the floor as well.

This time Hinata’s hands were touching skin, and the direct contact made Bokuto’s heart skip a beat before it accelerated again. He felt like he was melting under Hinata’s touch. Hinata dragged his fingers over Bokuto’s nipples, but rather than stop to play with them he bent down and kissed Bokuto’s neck. The warm skin of Hinata’s chest was pressed against Bokuto, and a pert nipple brushed against Bokuto’s own.

“Hinata,” Bokuto sighed and lifted his hands to feel the way the muscles on Hinata’s back moved with the way the boy breathed.

“I said,” Hinata said with a low voice, “no touching.”

That was all it took for Bokuto to let his arms fall back on the bed. He whined pitifully, but Hinata did continue touching him, which was at least something. Except then Hinata left the bed and stood next to it with eyes focused on Bokuto’s face.

Bokuto opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but his question was answered before he could ask it: Hinata opened his belt with excited fingers, pushed the button or his jeans open and unzipped them. The belt clattered as it made contact with the floor, and Hinata stepped out of the pants. He was still wearing his underwear that had a wet spot of pre-come on the front. Bokuto moaned at the sight and his own hands were now pulling on his slacks to get them off. Hinata stepped closer to help him, and finally the rest of his clothes lay on the floor with their shirts.

For a moment Hinata only looked at Bokuto’s cock and the way it was resting thick and hard against his stomach. Bokuto itched to pull Hinata’s underwear off so he could see how his boyfriend’s cock stood proud, but he controlled himself and lay still. Hinata licked his lips and touched his cock through his pants. Bokuto swallowed at the sight, thinking about how amazing he had felt when he had jerked Hinata’s cock and made him come.

Questions rose in Bokuto’s head when Hinata bent down to look for something. Bokuto couldn’t see what he was doing exactly, but he heard a zipper and rustling. He waited with anticipation, until Hinata finally stood up again with a bottle and a condom in his hands. He threw the items on the bed and took off his underwear before following.

“This is okay?” Hinata asked, lifting the bottle for Bokuto to see.

It was lube. Bokuto had been dreaming about their future encounters, but now that it was becoming reality it suddenly made his heart throb in a much heavier way. He nodded slowly, his eyes not leaving Hinata’s hands that popped open the cap and poured lube on his fingers. Breathing was suddenly much harder, and the knot in Bokuto’s stomach had grown big again. It made him shiver in the bad way, but Hinata didn’t seem to notice the change.

Bokuto hesitated when Hinata settled between his legs and motioned him to spread them wider. He took a deep breath and opened his legs. He felt exposed and vulnerable, and it reminded him of the one fateful day when he had lost the sovereignty of his own body. Hinata’s slick fingers found their way between his ass cheeks and pressed against the puckered muscle. He didn’t push too hard, just applied enough pressure to make his presence there known. The slippery finger massaged over the closed hole, coaxing it to relax and allow an intrusion.

It’s Hinata, Bokuto told himself over and over again, but it was hard for him to chase away the ghost of a bad memory. He breathed hard, his eyes fixed in Hinata’s face, but the knot in his stomach was pulling his muscles taut. Hinata was looking at his ass and the way the slick fingers were working around his opening. When the very tip of a finger pushed in, Bokuto felt like his heart stopped beating. His entire body went tense and he stopped breathing.

That’s when Hinata lifted his eyes to look at Bokuto’s face, and from the way his expression changed from focused and exited to worried was enough to tell Bokuto his own expression was something it wasn’t meant to be.

“Bokuto? Is everything okay?” Hinata asked, withdrawing the finger from inside him.

Bokuto nodded, even though it was completely obvious that everything was not okay. Hinata looked at him with a deep frown of concern.

“Did it hurt?” Hinata asked, when Bokuto offered no explanation.

“No,” Bokuto replied with a strangled voice. “It’s fine, just keep going.”

Hinata thought for a moment, but then pressed the finger back in with difficulty. Bokuto’s body was so tight his muscles were starting to ache. He closed his eyes to force himself to relax and think about something else, but the only image in his mind was that of a filthy bathroom and the door he was pinned against.

Opening his eyes didn’t make him happy either: Hinata was still looking at him with worry.

“We don’t have to do this,” Hinata said, pulling his finger out yet again. “I thought you wanted it too, but it’s okay if you don’t.”

“I want to,” Bokuto said, and could hear how broken his voice had become. “I want it.”

“No, we can’t,” Hinata said, stroking one of Bokuto’s thighs absentmindedly. “I don’t want to hurt you, and the way you are now it’s definitely going to hurt.”

Bokuto thought of the stinging pain he had felt when the stranger had pushed inside him with not nearly enough lubrication. He remembered the way he was certain his body was split in half and he would die, and the way his pants were soaked with semen and blood, and how he couldn’t wash away the feeling of being soiled, and how he still felt like there was something inside him, something that didn’t belong there. He felt like a seed had stayed inside, rooted itself in his body, and the feeling of being dirty and used was crawling all over his skin on the inside of him.

He blinked fast to keep tears away. He bit on both of his lips, and his hands were tight fists beside him. He couldn’t look at Hinata anymore, not with the way he was remembering everything he wanted to put behind him. The knot in his stomach made him feel sick. That knot was what was left behind from the strange man who had released inside him after ripping him open. Every day it grew bigger, only waiting for the right moment to strike him down.

A stream of tears escaped his eyes in spite of his efforts. He felt Hinata shuffling, and soon a warm body was pressing against his side. He turned his head farther away, but Hinata’s soft fingers pressed on his skin and wiped at the tears.

“Did I do something wrong?” Hinata asked with a quiet voice.

“No,” Bokuto said with a thick voice.

Why would anyone want him now? He was weak and pathetic, he couldn’t even protect himself.

“Please tell me,” Hinata said.

Bokuto felt Hinata’s face press against his neck, the breathing against his skin calming him down. Hinata was the sun that chased away the shadows.

“Something bad happened,” Bokuto whispered.

His words were mumbled by the thickness of his breath, but Hinata’s arm wrapped around him and squeezed him encouragingly.

“Is it the same bad thing that happened at the park?” Hinata asked.

Bokuto sniffed.

“Yes,” he wailed and turned his entire body away from Hinata.

He wasn’t sure what he was trying to achieve. A part of him wanted to leave the bed and the room and hide away, and a part of him wanted to punch himself in the face for being so stupid and and and-

“Did someone touch you?” Hinata asked suddenly.

Bokuto twitched with pain, but Hinata wasn’t letting him crawl away. The arm around his body felt secure, and he reached to take a hold of the hand that was grasping him. Hinata’s grip was strong, far stronger than Bokuto had ever felt himself. He gasped for air like he was drowning.

“I was raped,” he finally choked out.

“I’m so sorry,” Hinata said and pressed closer to Bokuto.

Bokuto was gripping Hinata’s hand as hard as he could. He felt like he would fall if he let go, and he didn’t want to fall. Tears had stopped flowing, but they were still blurring his sight. He wiped his face with his free hand.

“When did it happen?” Hinata asked, after Bokuto had stopped shaking.

“A few weeks before we started dating,” Bokuto said.

Hinata made a sound of understanding. Bokuto pressed closer against the small body behind him. His breathing was still uneven, but the most shudders were gone. The knot in his stomach was still there, but less intimidating. His eyelids were heavy and his face hot.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hinata asked.

Bokuto’s eyes were closing and his face was sinking into the pillow.

“Not yet,” he mumbled. “It still hurts too much.”

Hinata smiled reassuringly against his skin, and motioned for him to turn around. Bokuto did turn around to face Hinata. He was certain his face was a mess, but Hinata smiled at him and pulled him into a warm embrace.

“It’s okay to wait,” Hinata said.

It didn’t take long for Bokuto’s eyes to fall shut, and slowly he drifted into sleep.

*

The dream was soft and filled with sunlight, pure light seeping through a layer of clean white. Bokuto smiled in his sleep, and when the dream started slipping away his smile remained. He didn't open his eyes. The gentle warmth of the dream remained tangled around him, but the light was bleaker and tinted blue.

Sighing Bokuto opened his eyes to find Hinata's sleeping face next to him on the pillow. Hinata's limbs were wrapped around his body, the contact unrelenting and happy. Hinata was breathtaking in his sleeping form, his eyelashes casting a shadow on his cheeks and his lips opened gently. Bokuto turned carefully to face his boyfriend, whose wild hair was ruffled under his temple.

Minutes passed by, bursts of joy filling Bokuto's chest until his heart was aching with feeling. He pressed a dry kiss on the tip of Hinata's nose, making the boy frown slightly. Bokuto chuckled quietly and pulled Hinata into his arms in the way he dreamed of at nights when he couldn't sleep. He kissed Hinata's forehead, and then his mouth.

Slowly Hinata cracked one eye open, but closed it again. Bokuto kissed his chin, and Hinata finally opened his eyes.

"When did I fall asleep?" Hinata wondered with a sleepy voice.

"After pulling the blanket over us," Bokuto replied with a hushed voice.

Hinata smiled and closed his eyes. He sighed before opening them to look at Bokuto.

"How are you feeling?" Hinata asked.

"I don't think I've ever been this happy," Bokuto said and kissed Hinata's lips.

Hinata’s smile widened and he pressed back to kiss Bokuto.

“I’m happy too,” Hinata said.

Bokuto didn’t know how long they had been asleep, and he didn’t even care to know. He only wanted for this moment to last forever, so he would never have to wake up alone again. The quietness surrounding them was pleasant. Bokuto’s hands felt the way Hinata breathed, and he craved to feel more of the other boy.

“I never went to that park after it happened,” Bokuto said, surprising himself as well as Hinata who immediately turned his eyes at him. “Today with you was the closest I’ve gone ever since. I haven’t told anyone other than you and Kuroo, and I haven’t talked about it properly. I haven’t cried. And I don’t really want to. But the one thing I want right now is to try again.”

Hinata was looking at him with such bright eyes Bokuto couldn’t look straight at them. He felt like he was trying to stare directly into the sun, and the sun had descended from the sky to lie down next to him.

“Give me another chance,” Bokuto said and slid his hands down to touch Hinata’s soft ass. “I want to do it.”

“Are you sure?” Hinata asked.

Bokuto nodded. He could already feel the beginnings of anxiety in his body, but he had never wanted anything as much as he now wanted to have sex with Hinata.

“I want you to make love to me,” Bokuto whispered, because he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud.

Hinata giggled, pressed a wet kiss at the corner of Bokuto’s mouth, and fumbled around until he found the abandoned bottle of lube.

“Bokuto-san,” Hinata said as the cap of the lube popped open, “if it feels too much I’ll stop. And I won’t be disappointed. I just want for you to be happy.”

Bokuto closed his eyes to let Hinata’s words soak in. He breathed in the cosy scent of the smaller boy, and opened his eyes when Hinata’s hand approached his behind.

“It’s going to be fine this time,” Bokuto said.

Hinata’s finger was probing at his entrance again. His heart was beating harder than it ever did after a particularly hard game, but the knot in his stomach hadn’t fully formed.

“Put it in,” Bokuto said quietly.

He couldn’t hear himself from the way his heart was beating in his ears. He felt Hinata’s slick finger carefully push inside, and he did everything he could to not freak out and tighten his muscles.

“It’s me, Koutarou,” Hinata said and stroked Bokuto’s cheek with his free hand. “There’s nothing to fear.”

Bokuto nodded and took a deep breath. His body had gone rigid, but with each breath he took and each caress of Hinata’s hand on his cheek he felt the tension melt away bit by bit. Hinata pushed his finger farther in and moved it around a bit.

“It’s okay,” Bokuto said, although not quite sure whether he was talking to Hinata or himself.

Hinata pumped the finger in and out in slow movements. Bokuto didn’t dare close his eyes. His gaze was focused on Hinata in front of him, everything Hinata, and he touched the arm of the hand that was buried between his ass cheeks to remind himself that the person pushing into him was Hinata.

“More,” Bokuto whispered and immediately felt the probing of a second finger at this entrance.

Bokuto’s hold of Hinata’s arm tightened when the second finger stretched the puckered hole slightly more open and pushed in. He breathed in the scent of Hinata and lube, and his heartbeat started to feel more pleasant instead of frightening.

The fingers inside him were moving slowly, spreading the lube around and loosening the tightness of his muscle. Bokuto felt the knot in his stomach form again, but he ignored it. Hinata kissed his nose and his chin, scissoring the fingers inside him. Bokuto swallowed and unhurriedly rolled his hips to see what it felt like. Hinata hummed approvingly and pushed the fingers deeper.

“More,” Bokuto said.

“Sure?” Hinata asked, but was already tickling the muscle with a third finger.

Bokuto nodded. Hinata pressed in a third finger, causing Bokuto to jolt with the feeling of being spread so open.

“Okay?” Hinata asked and stopped moving his fingers.

“Yes,” Bokuto said, although he was already feeling the way the knot from his abdomen had moved to his neck and was now strangling him.

Hinata pushed the fingers in as deep as they went, and Bokuto felt the distant burn of being forced open. He felt his lips tremble and tried to stop it by biting them tightly together.

“Don’t do that,” Hinata said and swiped a finger over Bokuto’s sealed lips. “Is it too much?”

Bokuto shook his head, but couldn’t help the way his body was betraying the lie. Hinata wasn’t moving his fingers anymore, so the way Bokuto’s body was reacting to the anxiety became much more apparent.

“Should I stop?” Hinata asked and his fingers twitched as he prepared to pull them out.

“No,” Bokuto quickly replied. “I just need a moment.”

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Hinata suggested. “Tell me what this reminds you of.”

Bokuto breathed through his mouth and tried to control the way shivers were running through his body.

“The feeling of being spread open,” Bokuto started, and swallowed heavily, “reminded me of how much it hurt when he forced himself in.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Hinata reminded Bokuto. “Are we going too fast? Maybe you should have let yourself get more used to less first.”

Shaking his head Bokuto let out a joyless laugh.

“I want it to go quick so I don’t have time to think,” he said.

“No,” Hinata simply said, pulled his fingers almost completely out, and then pushed them back in with gentle movements. “We need to go slow so you don’t get hurt.”

“How do you even know so much about this?” Bokuto asked and pressed his head closer to Hinata. “You’re younger than I am. You’re supposed to be cute and innocent."

“I’ve done some research,” Hinata said nonchalantly. “And I’ve tried it all on myself to make sure I know how it feels, because I always wanted to make sure I wouldn’t hurt you.”

Bokuto’s eyes were burning, but this time it wasn’t out of sadness.

“What did I ever do to deserve you,” he whispered, shaking his head in disbelief.

Hinata laughed.

“You only deserve good things,” he said. “How are you feeling now?”

Bokuto stopped to think and realized that Hinata’s fingers were still moving inside him, yet the strangling feeling was gone.

“Good,” he said. “I want to do it already.”

Hinata kissed the dip between Bokuto’s collarbones.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Hinata asked.

Bokuto nodded and captured Hinata’s lips in a kiss.

“Yes,” he said.

He shivered when Hinata pulled his fingers out and climbed between his legs. He turned to properly lie on his back and watched Hinata find the condom and open the wrapper.

“Next time I want to put it on you,” Bokuto said. “Right now I don’t think I can.”

Hinata looked at him questioningly and Bokuto lifted his shaking hands to view.

“Are you that scared?” Hinata asked.

“More nervous than scared,” Bokuto said. “But yes. And it’s still okay. I want to do it.”

Hinata looked at him for a moment before he proceeded to roll the condom on.

“Promise me,” he said and turned to look at Bokuto after the condom was on, “that if it feels too scary or hurts or anything bad, you’ll tell me.”

“I promise,” Bokuto said.

With a final glance Hinata bent down to kiss Bokuto, before he poured lube over his cock. Bokuto spread his legs wider to allow more room, and Hinata dribbled more lube on his ass.

“Still good?” Hinata asked when he pressed the tip of his cock against Bokuto’s opening.

“Yep,” Bokuto nodded, even though his heart was beating heavily and his legs were starting to shake too.

“Tell me how it feels,” Hinata said, took a moment, and then pressed his cock past the tight ring of muscles.

Bokuto stopped the sound of discomfort from escaping him and did his best to remain calm. Hinata’s cock was much bigger than three fingers, and the slight burn of being stretched open was present again. He took deep breathes and did everything he could to not struggle against the intrusion.

“Koutarou,” Hinata said, drawing Bokuto’s attention to him. “Does it hurt?”

Bokuto shook his head.

“Talk to me,” Hinata said. “Tell me how it feels so I know.”

A moment passed by in silence as Bokuto tried to collect his thoughts and get rid of the worst ones.

“Don’t pull out,” he finally said, “but it feels kind of bad right now.”

Hinata pretty much froze in place after hearing that.

“How?” Hinata asked, his hands holding Bokuto’s hips in a gentle grip.

“I can’t forget,” Bokuto sniffed with frustration. “I try so hard but he keeps coming back to me.”

Hinata let go of Bokuto’s hips but didn’t pull out. Bokuto forced his eyes to stay open to not slip into his bad memories. He watched as Hinata bent down to press a soft kiss on his temple and felt the way the small hands were caressing his arms.

“It’s okay,” Hinata said quietly. “It’s only me. I’m here with you.”

Reaching between them Hinata took a hold of Bokuto’s soft cock. He teased it with the tips of his fingers, fondled Bokuto’s balls, and pulled on the length.

“Shouyou,” Bokuto gasped and wrapped his arms around Hinata.

The way Hinata reacted to Bokuto calling his name excited Bokuto. He felt a surge of warmth fill his body, and his cock was getting hard with Hinata’s help.

“You’re supposed to enjoy this too,” Hinata spoke right next to Bokuto’s ear. “I want you to enjoy it as much as I do.”

The harder he got the more Bokuto let his hips push into Hinata’s touch. The stretch of his ass didn’t feel so bad now that it had lost its sole significance. He felt Hinata’s cock slip farther inside him, and the thought of being filled by none other than his boyfriend made him feel like flying.

“Do it,” Bokuto said, his hips moving with every sensation.

The moan Bokuto let out when Hinata snapped his hips to bury his cock deep inside Bokuto was something he may have previously heard in a porn movie. His legs spread wider and he placed his hands on Hinata’s hips to feel the way they moved to push inside him.

“Talk to me,” Hinata gasped.

“It’s so good,” Bokuto said with groans spilling out his throat with every thrust of Hinata’s hips. “You feel so good inside me, Shouyou!”

Hinata grunted and sped his hips. His hand was still tugging at Bokuto’s cock, and with the way he was breathing right into Bokuto’s ear it didn’t take long for Bokuto to reach his orgasm and release between their sweaty bodies. Hinata continued milking him until every drop of semen was out, and then rose up to his knees. Bokuto looked at the way Hinata’s muscles were working as he pistoned his hips against Bokuto’s ass. His hands were gripping Bokuto’s hips in a vice, pulling at the larger body to meet his thrusts. It didn’t take very long for Hinata’s hips to stutter in their pace and he came with a low moan, pushing into Bokuto until he was spent and collapsed on the bed.

With a groan Hinata pulled out of Bokuto and wrapped his arms around him.

“I love you so much, Koutarou,” he said.

“Shouyou, I love you too,” Bokuto replied and returned the embrace.

They kissed lazily, smacking sounds filling the air around them.

“I’m really hungry,” Hinata said and pressed a kiss on Bokuto’s chin.

“Me too,” Bokuto said. “We should probably get washed first.”

Hinata laughed and took off the condom.

“Not if we stay in,” he said, tying a knot on the rubber.

“You don’t want to go out?” Bokuto asked, sitting up slowly.

“I’m perfectly happy here with you,” Hinata replied, kissed Bokuto’s shoulder and got up. “Come on. I’m starving to death!”

Bokuto let Hinata pull himself up from the bed and lead him to the bathroom according to his directions. Hinata insisted on wiping the come off his stomach, and Bokuto smiled at the way Hinata’s hands felt on his body. He knew he wanted to take a shower with Hinata later that evening. He knew this was happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so not happy with this fic and I don't know why I chose to write more than just the first chapter. I wrote a lot of this with the attitude of just getting it done and I know it shows. I'm only happy with a couple of passages that I actually thought about, but other than that this was such a disappointment.
> 
> Plus I'm sure everyone's out of character and I don't even know why I chose to write Bokuto and Hinata when I don't think I can write them at all and I'm just so glad this fic is over now!


End file.
